Saturday, May 8, 2021 was Birth Mother’s Day. It’s a day unrecognized by many outside the adoption community. Sadly, this is the case for much of the birth mother journey – little recognition, regard or understanding by society in general. While our society has come a long way regarding compassion for young ladies in an unexpected pregnancies – churches in some areas now have ministries to offer hope and support, pregnancy support centers offer resources and encouragement – and adoption agencies do their best to offer choices, resources, counseling, and support for expectant parents considering adoption.
But, many times, young women who choose to make an adoption plan for their child do so quietly. They feel guilt and shame in silence. Many don’t openly share their stories for fear of judgment and only talk to their adoption counselor after the placement of their child about their feelings but do so sporadically.
This needs to change. I’ve walked beside many young ladies making the excruciatingly difficult decision to pursue adoption, as well as many who have chosen to parent from a place with more resources and support than before. I know these women. They are courageous. It takes courage to make the phone call and admit one’s struggles to a stranger. It takes courage to ask another person to help them through a life crisis. It takes courage to walk into a room, look a stranger in the eye, answer a myriad of deeply personal questions and say the words, “I cannot parent my child”.
They are thoughtful, self-reflective, and strong. An adoption plan takes a great deal of thoughtful deliberation. Many young ladies walk through their pregnancies alone, scared and contemplating the best choice to make for their child and for themselves. They do not come to adoption lightly or thoughtlessly. Most women desperately want to parent their child but know that it is either not possible or not the best choice for their child or themselves due to their current life circumstances. In some situations, their challenges can be met through better resources and support.
For those who choose adoption, the plan is not a reflection of the love they have for their child. Their love is evident in nine months of pregnancy giving their child a life in which they will not have an active parenting role. It is evident in the changes their bodies endure. It is evident in their careful choice of adoptive family. It is evident in their tears of grief and sadness. It takes strength to hand your newborn baby to another woman and strength to leave the hospital alone. It also takes strength to sign the paperwork relinquishing parental rights and facing a life without your child. Their journey is filled with pain, loss and heartache, but it can also be filled with love, growth, and redemption.
Mothers who receive support can turn their pain and loss into a platform for incredible growth. They can learn how strong and resilient they really are and pour empathy and strength into others. They can find their voice and encourage others to live with courage and strength. We have a desire to walk alongside birth mothers long after they have made an adoption plan to equip and empower them to move forward with pride in themselves and the choices they made for themselves and their children. Providing them with counseling, life or relationship coaching is a worthy investment in their futures and the futures of those they will touch.
ABI is thankful to be launching post adoption counseling/coaching services that allows birth parents to continue their healing journey regardless of when they made their adoption plan. It is our prayer as a staff to continue to pour our time, love and resources into birth parents post adoption. We understand grief does not tell time. ABI is ready to meet them where they are. The majority of birth parents do not have the insurance or resources to afford counseling post adoption. We want to fill this gap by offering our dedicated counseling/coaching services free of charge. Would you help us by considering a monthly sponsorship? Click on the link below. We appreciate you partnering with us in this worthwhile endeavor!